I'm eating all of the evidence.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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