Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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