we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
