we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
