He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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