Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
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