and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
