So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
That accounts for only three of the penises
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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