Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
