My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
