i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
