wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
