I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
