When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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