i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
