dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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