Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
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He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
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When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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