I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
