youre lurking in front of me
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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