I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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