So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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