Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think my moral compass just broke
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
