her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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