hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
