What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
