You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
