It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
