I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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