So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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