new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
