sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
