Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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