he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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