haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Someone signed my nipple.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
