Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
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Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
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Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize