He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
