Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
