You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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