thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
