I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
