i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
