Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
