there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
