I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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