Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
