Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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