i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
