Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
