saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
