He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
