dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you would pick up someone in the library
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
