My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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