Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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