the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I can feel your judgement through the phone
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
