Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.