my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
