recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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