no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
