They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
