Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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