Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
