i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Let's get the cat blown out
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
