soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
