It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
