OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
