We're facebook friends in real life
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
