I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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