Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
