ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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